Cerpen A Girl with A Thousand Faces

Now I’m sitting on my bed, opening my laptop, taking out my task that should be done the day after tomorrow, trying to be focus but always ended up doing something else and always pretending busy when my parents entered.

Yes it’s me, sitting alone in my room, the things that I always do every day. Here in my room, is where I spend most of my times in a day. People outside never knew what I’m doing, to whom I’m texting to, to whom I’m talking to, whether I’m crying under the pillow so my voice wouldn’t be heard. Only the laughs that they hear because that’s what I always try to do.

I’m a happy girl, always show my smile. I’m a mature kid, always give advice to my brothers. I’m a yes kid, always do what my parents told me to do. I’m a countless face person, you'll never know what kind of face that I’d be wearing. I’m a person with a fake face and laugh, you never knew right? Guess I should just start in a drama.

Keep telling me what to do, never know what I really want to do. But that’s okay since I don’t know anymore. What am I good at? What is my dream? What I want to do in the future? What’s my goal except just get what my parents wants? Am I a person or just a robot with remote control in it? Oh my brothers were all such a failure, so I have to do better, I have to be better than them.

Guess what, now you put all the burdens on me since I’m the only one left. I have to make you satisfied, right since I’m the last kid that you can put a hope into.

My parents and my brother are now fighting. Outside of my room they are screaming and swearing to each other. My father who rarely got angry is becoming so angry until he’s shivering right now. My mother who rarely cries is crying out loud.

My brother is always do the same, deny the fact that’s already written on his face. My parents have to threaten him first, threaten to get him into the jail, then he admits what he did wrong. I know it’s a damn fucking thing that happens like all the time, but this time just feels so wrong.

My parents got tired and my second brother has no respect at all to my first brother. What about me? I’m so damn tired! I keep telling myself how cruel and evil my brother is. How my brother could did those kinds of things to his own parents? How he could even think to do that? it’s his family after all, yet he ruined it to pieces easily. Really, money can change someone’s life.

I’m too tired but I have to endure it. Who else could? My parents are too tired, my brother doesn’t care anymore. If it’s not me, if it’s not me who endure and trying to keep my mouth shut from swearing at him then who else? If I can’t control what my face look a like then who else? The hatred, anger and sadness already written all around. If I do the same, will this family last longer?

Of course I’m not the worst. No I’m not. My parent’s burdens are much heavier than me. It’s their kid after all. No one in this world could even dream about having a kid like my brother. Did you ever hear about a wish from your mother’s mouth that if killing her own son is not a sin, she would have already killed him?

Did you ever feel that your heart torn into dust when you heard that? You should thank God if you haven't and I hope that you will ever not. And then what should my reaction be? I should get shocked, right? Should I roar? Should I try to stop her? But all I can do is just keep silent and pat my mother's shoulder, telling her.

“it’s okay. Everything’s gonna be alright. Just keep patient, Mom”

Well, what a lie. I keep pretending that I’m okay with all of this. That I still can be patient and comfort everyone when everyone's anger already at the top. Again, I change my face. What a actor I am!

A girl with a thousand faces, yes, it’s me. If you meet me, maybe my face will be different again. Because I have so many faces to show to you, it depends on what kind of person that I’m facing.

A girl with a thousand faces, yes, it’s me who writing this story now. If you meet me, I would probably show my best smile, because that's what people expect from me. I’m a person that only does what people told me to do, remember?
A girl with a thousand faces. it’s none other than me.

Cerpen Karangan: Sarah Ajeng Kusumarani
Facebook: Sarah Ajeng Kusumarani