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Don't Thank Because I Feel Valuable





God brought her through a new story and tears on her cheeks. As if he sent me to wipe away those tears. Where has he been when my world is fine? When this hand can easily grasp his hand and say "I'm here, don't be afraid!" With a shady smile soothingly. When I can exchange my once worthwhile free time to just create laughter with him. It might be a bit overwhelming if I say create. The good thing is, we just laugh. A thing that I used to do all the time but now it's rare. I'm afraid to say that I and him are the same. Our world is not doing well. And, I hope one more thing is the same. That is, we can bring back again our respective worlds. A world full of playgrounds.

He doesn't look like him, me too. We are still the same name and probably the same name. But the look in our eyes can't erase the traces of the universe that this year is watching us. Makes us fall as falls. Makes us abandoned, defeated and even dumped.

"I don't want to think that I came to lu when I was sad." His voice was from my speakerphone.
"I'll use a headset first." I said as I connected my headset to my phone. I lay on my bed. It's midnight now. Quiet hours to hear his voice.

"What?"
"I don't want the impression that the cave is going to be sad again." Repeat.
"What the hell? I never thought so."
"Just be afraid."
"Nope! after all, if you're sad, why? Humane." Obviously.

I get it. In such a situation, there is a lot of guilt that penetrates into his heart and mind. Because maybe everyone has realized the regret of losing some things in life when things are too late. Especially if it feels like in a short time he feels that life in a world is very different from before. Although I am too.

"So what? Lu must be strong!"
"yes, hopefully." He replied, "Aren't you going to cave like the others?" He said again in a low voice but I could still hear him.
"Nope!" My firm
"promise?"
"Yes, promise."
"Why don't you cave in the cave? It's a cave. I'll also get tired of the cave."
"Because lu is a good person. Gua inget all the good things about lu, so if at any time lu does the thing that makes the cave kesel. The cave will always imagine the good things that lu has done to the cave and to lu's friends! But lu must also strive to step forward!"

I wouldn't leave him alone because I understood what it was like to see a lot of backs turning and moving away. I don't understand what kind of feelings are in my heart. I love him whether as a friend, best friend or more. I myself also couldn't conclude and didn't want to think about it. Obviously, even though my world isn't doing well, I'm going to do something for him as much as I can. Not out of pity, but because I care. He can lean on my shoulder even though I've carried a lot of weight. He can tell me anything. And even, if I could, I wanted to accompany him when he needed someone beside him. Truly!

"Thanks, yes," he said in a quiet voice but sounded better.
"Yes, you are welcome,"

Since then he has contacted me frequently. Day after day, week after week, month after month, as he once did. At the time rainbow still often visited his residence. When I also have my own color until we end up busy with each other's happiness and lost. That's why he said it was as if he contacted me when he was just sad. Who cares? I didn't contact him at that time either.

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People say, if you want to help someone then you have to help yourself first. Maybe half of it is true and the other half is not. Why? Because his presence for me so far makes me better. I haven't been able to help myself so far. My world is still not okay. But she came to me with her tears. I tried to remove it and it made me feel better. Is this weird? I don't know.

I don't know if he feels better too or not, I hope he feels so too. Until he finally said if he felt it too. One night in a WhatsApp message he wrote for me. A few sentences that are the reason for me to write this story.

"Thanks." WhatsApp messages from him. Accompanied by a photo of a sheet of paper that reads,
"Thank you for teaching what sincerity is... Thank you for not giving up when everyone chooses to leave... Thank you for being a listener while others turn a deaf ear... Thank you for the ever-lost embrace of encouragement..."

I smiled reading it. I replied to the message,
"What the hell is this poetry?" I retorted.
He retorted, "Hahaha, I don't know whether it's poetry or not, just write it."
"Who made this?"
"It's a speech. It's a cave that makes hehe."
"For whom?"
"Make it a good deal! It's been sosweet-sosweet too."
"I pretend I don't know, let me say hehe." I teased him.
"Screw you."

And now I want to tell her. More precisely replying to what he said in the writing.

You know what? I'm really glad when my world isn't okay you're coming. You tell me so much as if you trust me completely. At that time I couldn't believe anyone believed in me that way. When you thank me for some of the things I gave, you know, I didn't do it for you. I did that for myself without me noticing it before. Because at every conclusion of a smile that seems to be tied to your lips, or when I hear the sound of your laughter wherever it is, I feel it too. I'm happy to make you happy. I care. Maybe sometimes I'm tired of your tears. But really I'm not going to leave you. I hope your world changes. My world too. I hope we can get back on our runs and release our bodies and hearts from the entanglements of today's wounds and the wounds of the past. Back as it should be. Restoring our broken playground to its original beauty. Not for anyone! But, for your life and for mine.

So, don't thank me because I feel valuable.

Finish.




."$$$".
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