Willingly

."¥¥¥".

Hi introduce my name is Alana, when I was in 8th grade of junior high school I was once in a relationship with a man.

At first we were just ordinary friends, over time me and him were like a statusless relationship that people call friendzone.

For months we went through this statusless relationship, until he finally asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted because I also had feelings for him.

After he became my lover, my life felt more colorful, my heart always bloomed flowers like a typical teenager who was going through puberty.

Really, he was the first man to be my lover. Every day me and him always talked about random things and hoped to continue to be together, he promised that.

But day by day his attitude began to change, he was more ignorant than usual, is it true that all this time my friend's friend was talking about, that a man will feel bored when we have begun to have feelings for him.

Also Read More:

 

• Notes in the Past
• Holidays (Part 1)
• Holidays (Part 2)
• Twilight Sleep
• Kanaya (That Cloud In My Face) Part 1
• Kanaya (That Cloud In My Face) Part 2
• Mother
• My Wait Leads to Regret
• Hadiah Usia
• Kecantikan dan Model

"I guess, you're getting colder to me, do I have any wrong?" I asked.
"No, maybe it's just your feelings" he said.
"I wish nothing had happened between us" I said to him, I had gone too deeply into him.
"Yes, I am too".
Still, the answer didn't calm me down, my brain and heart always thought about it.

Suddenly at the end of the year he broke off relations unilaterally and immediately blocked all my social media accounts and replaced his number with a new one, which I didn't know.

"Sorry, I had to break up with you, I don't think this relationship can be maintained" she said.

I was surprised, why he broke off the relationship unilaterally, nor had I had time to ask and say goodbye to him. Am I bothering him too much?.

My heart hurts. I've fallen too deeply into him, why easily he just left me when my feelings for him were so great. Every day I ask "What did I do wrong until he left me?".

Until I finally heard from his friend that he had a lover. My heart ached even more at that, she looked so happy with her new lover.

But the full moon after full passed, still my day was still about him, until I stepped into the 9th grade, it was still him who filled my heart and mind. I don't understand "When will this feeling go away, when will this pain disappear?".

Yes, I actually liked some of my male friends, but my heart still came back to him.

I once confided in my friend how to get him to disappear from my heart and mind. My friend said "Let karma repay all your pain, Al".
"She's not for you to be sober, Alana" he said.
"Let him go even if you love him".

Ever since I got some advice from my friend, I've slowly begun to learn to give it up, that it's not for me. Thank you for these memories and pains.

."$$$".

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