Skip to main content

I always smile but my eyes are sad

I always smile but my eyes are sad




I have a charmed life with hired hands who wait on me, friends who appear out of nowhere with a phone call, and the heavy job of being some wealthy girl’s boyfriend. I am afforded luxuries I can't spell from names I wasn't taught to pronounce but this is a precious life. It is my precious life and neither death nor age will fracture my youth. I will be eternal in this 23-year-old cocoon flung into a future everyone around me will be too deceased to experience with me. I hear the process is something about cryogenic stasis which I can't spell either but if it keeps my skin still and beautiful, freeze me. 

I was considered precocious from when I could walk and I walked earlier than kids could spit milk, fling a spoonful of mashed peas, and grasp the full concept of “no”. I was bright in the way a virtuoso balances piano and rudimentary math though somehow excelled in neither one. I mimicked the way an adult lies, the way adults excuse those lies, and the way kids caught in those lies blame the adults from the ripe age of six. By then, I fed the dog vegetables, save for a handful of peas and baby carrots, to sell my parents the first lie I invented. It makes sense for someone of my stature and grace to preserve flawlessness rather than subject it to the cracks of time. 

I was a teenager with standard formal training in English who instructed middle-aged also-rans outside unemployment offices on how to smoke a cigarette. I demonstrated the poise required for a lesser person to believe a poser. I skated by on average grades but managed a stellar grip on the coolness of smoking. I taught losers how to exude the illusion of danger. It was priceless similar to this stasis business except in a creative way. 

I reached university as an eighteen-year-old on the precipice of a marvelous breakthrough- I was about to discover the cure to a disease that had yet to exist. Since the disease had yet to exist, I boasted a unique authority on it that attracted the ire of some classmates and the intrigue of others such as a fellow English literature classmate named Bernice. We bonded over a fondness for novels we didn’t comprehend, people we were not supposed to admire, and food we were not supposed to consume. She knew the disease, cure, and persona were for show but adopted me into her lavish life, a life where I could hide in a stasis chamber for close to eternity. 

Bernice finds me on a night swim the day before the scheduled cryogenic stasis appointment with a smile the length of her Olympic-sized pool. She dips her ankles into the water and watches me backstroke from one end to the other. I avoid her gaze though because eyes can expose anyone’s true emotions. 

“Sam, something’s wrong,” she sighs and creates a miniature whirlpool with her finger, “You avoid my gaze when something’s wrong.” 

“I hadn’t noticed,” I pant halfway through my second lap and despite my sore arms, I force them to propel me back and forth. 

Bernice dives into the water and swims in my path. I maneuver around her and she latches onto my leg. She has a stranglehold on it the way my mother gripped the orphanage doorknob. She didn’t return for me but in dreams, she has a feasible apology and explanation. My mother’s face is blurred but she loves me in this material way and labored to design a material place for me; in my dreams, this place is a stasis chamber and that is what Bernice doesn’t know. 

I spin around and she caresses my face to study it. She coos at my lonesome eyes, eyes that long for my mother and constructed lies to make friends and enemies. The hilarity and genius of my life is pure fantasy as I shunned the reality of mashed eggs, hand-me-down clothes, and relentless bullies. I hope to reunite with my mother in the stasis chamber. I hope she is in the century I wake up to because there is much to ask and express. 

Bernice wraps her arms around me while I weep for times I was a child who struggled to walk upright, read, and tie his shoes. I weep for times when I was crammed in lockers and marred by cigarette burns on the football field. I weep for days where the only person to comfort or approach me was Bernice. I weep for the fact that I have to leave her for a sweet reunion with my mother. 

“You don’t have to do this,” she whispers in my ear and draws me out of the pool. 

The fantastical skin I imagined myself in peels before my eyes and a pitiful shell remains. I am a pitiful shell of sheer agony with hopes to escape this current world for a fresh one. I want to be frozen and transported to my mother the way I am tonight. I refuse to have Bernice give genuine love to the husk of a man. She is the only witness right now and doesn't cast judgment on me for my shaken body which will freeze tomorrow. 

The remainder of the night is a blur but the morning is filled with people who dress, feed, and clothe me without a word. They shuffle around drones to ensure my care and Bernice fills the empty slots between my shaky fingers with her calm ones. The people who operate the machine tinker and make final adjustments before the chamber is prepped for me. I step out into the backyard to a metal dome and Bernice leads me through an automated entrance. 

The chamber is a bit taller than me and I inhale. When it opens, I step inside and reach out for Bernice who grabs my arm before a cluster of workers jerk her away. I miss my mother but I miss Bernice now. 

“Bernice, I love you!” I yell as Bernice scratches the glass and liquid nitrogen surrounds my body. 

“I love you too, Sam!” 

In an instant, everything is frozen solid for me. I was not one to anticipate the future but it will come soon. Whether it brings the promise of my mother or not is another story. I know it brings the promise of a time without Bernice and as the one person who loves me, this is punishment. If Bernice was here, the future would have a strong chance of exceptional brightness but I have to settle for what happens once I exit the chamber whenever that happens.


By Omnipoten
Selesai
  • Mempelai Kristus : Menjaga Kesucian

    Baca: Wahyu 19:6-10 "Marilah kita bersukacita dan bersorak-sorai, dan memuliakan Dia! Karena hari perkawinan Anak Domba telah tiba, dan pengantin-Nya telah siap sedia." (Wahyu 19:7) Kepada jemaat di Korintus rasul Paulus berkata, "...aku telah mempertunangkan kamu kepada satu laki-laki unt... Readmore

  • Mempelai Kristus : Sedia Dan Berjaga

    Baca: Matius 25:1-13 "Pada waktu itu hal Kerajaan Sorga seumpama sepuluh gadis, yang mengambil pelitanya dan pergi menyongsong mempelai laki-laki." (Matius 25:1) Melalui perumpamaan sepuluh gadis ini setiap orang percaya diingatkan agar senantiasa peka terhadap situasi zaman dan memperhatikan k... Readmore

  • Kekuatan Di Tengah Gejolak Dunia

    Baca: Mazmur 46:1-12 "Bangsa-bangsa ribut, kerajaan-kerajaan goncang, Ia memperdengarkan suara-Nya, dan bumipun hancur. TUHAN semesta alam menyertai kita, kota benteng kita ialah Allah Yakub." (Mazmur 46:7-8) Coba perhatikan keadaan dunia saat ini. Keadaan ekonomi, cuaca/iklim yang superekstrem... Readmore

  • Cerpen Busuknya Kebencian

    Seorang Ibu Guru taman kanak-kanak (TK) mengadakan”permainan”. Ibu Guru menyuruh tiap-tiap muridnya membawa kantong plastik transparan 1 buah dan kentang. Masing-masing kentang tersebut diberi nama berdasarkan nama orang yang dibenci, sehingga jumlah kentangnya tidak ditentukan berapa ..... Readmore

  • Cerpen Kesempatan Dalam Kehidupan

    Di sebuah ladang yang subur, terdapat 2 buah bibit tanaman yang terhampar. Bibit yang pertama berkata, “Aku ingin tumbuh besar. Aku ingin menjejakkan akarku sangat dalam di tanah ini, dan menjulangkan tunas-tunasku di atas kerasnya tanah ini. Aku ingin membentangkan semua tunasku, untuk menyam... Readmore

  • Cerpen Perasaan Bosan

    Ini sebuah cerita ringan tentang kebosanan. Seorang tua yang bijak ditanya oleh tamunya. Tamu : “Sebenarnya apa itu perasaan ‘bosan’, pak tua?” Pak Tua : “Bosan adalah keadaan dimana pikiran menginginkan perubahan, mendambakan sesuatu yang baru, dan menginginkan berhent... Readmore

  • Cerpen 4 Lilin

    Ada 4 lilin yang menyala, Sedikit demi sedikit habis meleleh. Suasana begitu sunyi sehingga terdengarlah percakapan mereka. Yang pertama berkata: “Aku adalah Damai.” “Namun manusia tak mampu menjagaku: maka lebih baik aku mematikan diriku saja!” Demikianlah sedikit demi sed... Readmore

  • Cerpen Berfokus Pada Kelebihan Diri

    “Anak-anak, coba tuliskan tiga kelebihanmu, ” kata seorang guru yang hari itu menjadi pembimbing retreat bagi anak-anak sekolah dasar. Menit demi menit berlalu namun anak-anak itu seakan masih bingung. Dengan setengah berakting, sang guru kemudian bersuara keras : “Ayo, tuliska... Readmore

  • Gejolak Dunia : Membuat Orang Kawatir

    Baca: Mazmur 40:1-18 "Engkaulah yang menolong aku dan meluputkan aku, ya Allahku, janganlah berlambat!" (Mazmur 40:18b) Dunia sudah sangat jelas tidak semakin baik. Hampir setiap hari kita dihadapkan pada peristiwa-peristiwa mengejutkan. Keadaan dunia yang tidak menentu ini mau tidak mau memeng... Readmore

  • Doa Yang Alami Terobosan (2)

    Baca: 1 Samuel 2:1-10 "Ia menegakkan orang yang hina dari dalam debu, dan mengangkat orang yang miskin dari lumpur," (1 Samuel 2:8a) Firman Tuhan hari ini merupakan nyanyian nubuatan atas pembelaan Tuhan terhadap orang-orang yang tetap setia kepada-Nya. Segala sesuatu yang diijinkan terjadi dal... Readmore

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Painting of Destiny

"Are you sure of this, Navan?" The old pirate stared at King Mannas' chief merchant. However, his bright emerald green eyes sparkled with laughter. "The information came from Daoud, one of my former crew members, when I was ravaging the coastal villages of Vyrone." Navan smiled at the expression crossing Gerrod's face, whose family had fled from one of these villages. The Iron Falcon was a legend and parents had always used the threat of its crew and its flaming-haired captain to scare naughty children into sleeping and behaving differently. Gerrod quickly recovered and smiled. "Then he must be a man to be trusted, indeed." "Ah!" cried Navan. "Daoud will take the coin from the mouth of a dead man while it is still warm. I trust him only because he knows the fate of him who lies to me." I may have made him captain when I decided to infiltrate King Mannas' court, but he still knows who is in charge. "We must tell ...

Good Morning America is a popular

Good Morning America is a popular morning news show that airs on ABC. It has been a staple in American households since its debut in 1975. The show covers a wide range of topics including news, entertainment, lifestyle, and pop culture. With its team of talented hosts and reporters, Good Morning America provides its viewers with the latest updates on current events and trending stories. One of the things that sets Good Morning America apart from other morning shows is its lively and energetic atmosphere. The hosts, including Robin Roberts, George Stephanopoulos, Michael Strahan, and Lara Spencer, bring a sense of fun and camaraderie to the show. They engage with their audience and each other in a way that feels genuine and relatable. In addition to its engaging hosts, Good Morning America also features a variety of segments that cater to a diverse audience. From cooking demos and fashion tips to celebrity interviews and human interest stories, the show offers something for everyone. Wh...

The liz hatton

The liz hatton is a unique piece of headwear that has been gaining popularity in recent years. This hat is characterized by its wide brim and low crown, which gives it a distinctive and fashionable look. The liz hatton is often made of materials such as wool, felt, or straw, making it a versatile accessory that can be worn in various seasons. One of the key features of the liz hatton is its versatility. This hat can be dressed up or down, making it suitable for a range of occasions. Whether you're going for a casual look or a more formal outfit, the liz hatton can easily complement your ensemble. Additionally, the wide brim of the hat provides excellent sun protection, making it ideal for outdoor activities such as picnics or garden parties. In terms of style, the liz hatton can be compared to other types of hats such as the fedora or the boater. While these hats may have similar silhouettes, the liz hatton stands out for its unique shape and design. The low crown and wide brim of ...
  • How to perform website manual testing?

    Need to Know how to test your site? Here you can discover data about the primary website manual testing system techniques. We will consider site testing agenda things to experience for guaranteeing your site available for the launch.    Testing, as the last phase of the develop... Readmore

  • The Role of Automation in DevOps

    DevOps is a modern practice largely adopted by organizations to improve the collaboration between software development and operations. The introduction of Test automation has improved the efficiency of the DevOps process. It’s very important for companies to make sure that their software de... Readmore

  • Sweet Caress, The Many Lives of Amory Clay by William Boyd

    Sweet Caress, the tile of William Boyd´s 2015 novel, refers to the gentle contact the individual makes with the very surface of existence, the contact we loosely call "life". It presents "The many lives of Amory Clay" that are contained in its principal character's existence. As has become the ... Readmore

  • The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker

    There is perhaps no other tale in European culture that synthesizes history, myth, literature and perhaps religion as famously and as frequently as Homer's Iliad. So often has this story of Bronze Age conflict been adapted, one might wonder why an accomplished writer, known for her apposite, pungent... Readmore

  • What Is Your PATH To Better Health?

    Better health, and well - being, doesn't happen, by chance, and/ or, accident! It only comes, when, each of us, assumes personal responsibility, for our actions, and does so, in a well - considered, strategic plan, and commitment to effective action planning! How one proceeds, what he focuses on, ho... Readmore

  • 5 Considerations For Reducing Severity And Frequency Of Colds

    We call, colds, common colds, because, they occur frequently! There is no such thing, as a cure, for the common cold! The old joke, about this, is, if you take certain medicines, you'll get rid of it in a week, and, if you don't, it will go away, in seven days. While, it's true, these occu... Readmore

  • Create a Powerful Career Path with Data Science Course

    As per the studies conducted in the market, data scientists have labeled as the hottest job in the market. The advent of big data, artificial intelligence, and machine learning has strengthened the industry with data science needs. Today the data is emerging expeditiously in massive volumes and from... Readmore

  • Enigmatic Experience of Mercedes V Class Chauffeur Service in London

    In London city, car hire services are really reliable and suitable for any event whether it is professional or personal. You will get the better version of your experience by availing the flawless services of chauffeurs and luxury cars. Private hire car services at London are really mos... Readmore

  • 5 Things You Should Notice in Bible Based Christian Movies

    Christian movies are generally bible-based movies that are better known for making people inspire and motivated with their unique concept and content. Christian movies are a great platform where people can make their kids learn good things and also teenagers and any other age group people can learn ... Readmore

  • 10 Incredible Advantages of Dating Online

    When it comes to online dating, most of the people get confused about whether they should go with the same or not. If you are also confused about whether you should date online or not, you first need to go through your dating requirements and budget. When it comes to online dating, most of the pe... Readmore